I like to be “nothing”, is just “nothing” doesn’t really fit in this world… and I don’t know how to behave in this world, being “nothing”, so I have to become more “like them”, and then I overwhelm myself. Too much thought, to much action… who am I kidding?

Go with the flow, do what needs to be done, don’t think much, just go with it, no opinion, no judgment… part of me says that the way to freedom, to peace, other part of me says that’s just avoidance, withdrawal, is it?

is it bad to not have aspirations?

is it bad to not think much of anything?

is it bad to just go through life, living it, simply…

is it bad to not feel much at all?

and then feel lots?

how do we go through life without being sucked into the drama? without getting overwhelmed with responsibilities?

how to get out of this spiderweb?

don’t I have aspirations, dreams?

yes I do

do I act much upon them

not much, should I?

Am I afraid?

sometimes I am

I’m scared of the responsability

of failing, of being inadequate, not good enough, making mistakes

but this things do have a place in your life, and you should accept them and learn from it, so what there to be afraid of?

you have a partner in your life, why don’t you give yourself more to that person, why can’t you rely more on them, and let them help you? do u think that will show them you are incapable? if they like you, and they like to help you, why not trust them? do you think they can’t be who you want them to be? or just because they have different views? do you realise you can actually take that, and be grateful, because you learning something, not just about them but about yourself. they are here for you! don’t be so stubborn to accept others. don’t close yourself to others. specially to your partner. they have a saying in your life, they are you, they are an extension of yourself, do you realise that? don’t be so blind to accept others views, open yourself.

Ego of mine, don’t be so rush into decisions, don’t be so rush in making judgment, you are nothing, but a product of my own. mind, you have no place here. you make me miserable, I know you want the best of me, my survival, but all you doing is destroy me, and I want you out, but I can have you out either, because I need you, is with you that I learn to do the opposite, and become freer, if I didn’t have you, I didn’t know what freedom actually feels like. you need to exist so I experience the other side of me. my higher self. I have to have your self righteous self in me, so I can learn humility, compassion, kindness, not just towards myself but others. can I be mediocre? can I accept being mediocre? is it so bad to be one? be a nothing? is when you are nothing, that you realise you are everything, absolute complete, with no need of self. you have the all universe in you, you magnificent, in the mist of your immense mediocrity.