How often do I have narratives in my mind, stories to tell? How often do I have immense thoughts of what I should write? How many inspiring voices do I hear, only to never put them on paper? They slip away as if I’m afraid that once they reach the page, they won’t be the same words anymore, won’t carry the same sound, enthusiasm, or intention.
When people ask me where I’m from, I don’t know how to answer. I was born in one country, spent my adolescence in another, and now I’m growing old in the one I’m in. How do I respond? I don’t belong anywhere, yet I’m everywhere. I feel connected to everything. I’m not just from one place; I am of the world, and I feel the world within me. There is no separation, just as there is no separation between us.
It confuses me to see people getting upset with one another, not realizing that they are only upsetting themselves. Why criticize or judge? Why harbor ill will towards others? Don’t you see that we are all one? Can’t you see that your own restlessness doesn’t come from outside? If you’re upset about something someone else did, look within yourself for the reason why. There is an illusion of separateness, a selfish and petty tendency to believe that there isn’t enough, that we need to defend our territory or attack others out of fear that they might take something away from us, be it material or not.
I’m not saying that if someone does something to you, you shouldn’t defend yourself, but it’s your reaction to what’s happening, what’s going on inside you when something dissatisfying occurs. Are you reacting out of a sense of lack, fear, or pain? Observe.
Occasionally, I encounter people who get irritated, people who aren’t accustomed to my enthusiasm. I’m used to it by now. Some feel threatened by our radiance, while others simply don’t live with inner peace; they seek it externally without success. And when the external world doesn’t meet their expectations, there’s a clash. It’s normal, and I understand. For me, these are opportunities to grow, to become more open, kinder, and more compassionate towards the suffering of others. At the same time, I observe my own suffering because I’m not exempt from it, none of us are, unless you’ve reached the enlightenment of your being.
I often feel like I don’t belong anywhere, lacking the foundations that most people have or seek, unable to plan for the future. All the conditions imposed on me during my upbringing mean nothing because I didn’t hold onto anything. In fact, I let go of everything! They are all illusions.
We grow up thinking we need “that” relationship, that we need a certain house, children, work, a car, and so on—the list keeps growing. I had all of those things gradually, and gradually I “returned” them because I didn’t find happiness in any of them. Happiness is sought from within! Until you realize that, you stumble around, filling yourself with things, projects, more work, and less time for yourself. Less time alone to find and realize that you already came into this world with everything you need, right here.
This doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy certain things or fulfilling relationships that warm my heart. However, true fulfillment only happens when your being feels complete without them. Only then can you truly savor external experiences because they are a reflection of your inner self.
I discovered that a part of me loves the shadows, solitude, finding itself in music and writing! In a book where words make sense to the soul. The silence between two people who are accomplices is worth more
than compliments. Strolling arm in arm and occasionally exchanging a glance and a smile.
I discovered that while others speak passionately and without a filter about what’s in their hearts and minds, I prefer to remain silent, listening not with my ears but with my soul. The words pass through me, little remains, but what stays is how they speak, their presence, their gestures, and their aura. I feel the warmth/energy of their presence, and it brings me great joy just to be in their company! I feel that words are mere distractions from the essence of their being. So, I filter and focus on what’s most important. Beautiful people expressing themselves, emanating their energy, often unaware of the interaction we’re having beyond words. They leave an impression on me, and I leave one on them. We exchange a “currency” of energy.
It’s so beautiful to see a world beyond what our minds have learned to “see.” To see a world full of energies and colors!
I’ve learned not to cling to the fact that many people still live in their own prisons because, after all, I’m no more or less than any of them. I feel an urge to help, but I don’t intrude. Who am I to do so? All I offer is an intention of love and faith, wishing them happiness, self-discovery, self-love, and the most peaceful path possible. May their pains be seen as lessons, not defeats, but as achievements. May these lessons bring them more structure in what makes them happy and what they need to let go of.
I discovered the silence between words, the silence in music, silence even in the midst of chaos! This silence is so full of peace and love, so welcoming. It cradles you and takes you to a place I like to call “HOME.”
I hope that each one of us has the ability, no matter where we are or who we’re with, to always return home. To be at home!