All I want in Love

All I want in love is for someone to listen to me, with an open heart, but truly listen, not with the intent of helping me, sort something out or figure something or with intent of giving me an answer, I need someone to listen, with understanding, compassion, and recognizes themselves in me, without a need to correct me. That trusts me to come up with my own answers, that lets me work throw it on my own, that supports me and believes in me. And waits patiently without any expectations. I like to make my own decisions, my own mistakes, I like to learn it all on my own, and I would like you to respect that, and unless I ask you for help directly, do not try to give me advice, just be patient, accept me as I am, accept that I have also my inner struggles, and I need to work them on my own… but be there for me. Keep me safe. I need your silence more than your words, I need your hugs, your reassuring eyes, your positive smile, that’s all I need. Don’t force me to open, to explain myself to you. But if I do and whenever I do, please just listen… don’t judge, don’t critic, even if its a positive one… I will not need it… all I need is your pure silence, in that moment I will know that you are the one for me, because you have listen with your heart, and you welcome me in your arms. And all you did was love me purely and simply without any expectations, judgement, any thought whatsoever. You simply saw me as I am, and that’s enough.

Don’t try to protect me, to shield me, I know you care, but that, will push me further away from you, you’re preventing me from growing. I need to feel pain, to feel pleasure, I need to feel the rain, to experience the sunshine, I need to experience life in its fullest, to live a fulfilling life. So let me live as I choose, and just be with me for the ride. 

Love is full acceptance of the other, no matter how they are, how they do, what they do, you accept them as they are and where they are in their own path, without the need to control the outcome, even if you think a better path is there for them, you have to accept they have their own way of getting there, and you have your own. So focus on yourself, love yourself the most, understand yourself in and out, and you will understand the other, you will understand is nothing more for you to do but be present. Your presence is the most precious and beautiful thing you can give to someone.  Be present for the One you Love. 

Thats all I need.

Your presence.  

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What’s Fear?

What’s fear to you? How does it make you feel, how you feel it in your body? And how attached are you to fear?

I can feel it mostly in my throat, like a lump, anxiety/fear, in the end, all comes down to fear! Fear of what? Both the fear of losing something and having that something, are illusions, we never had it in the first place, so you can’t loose it! Believing you have it is an illusion, you have nothing, not even your body, your mind, nothing is yours its all borrowed, from nature, from the Universe! You only part of something big, you are already unique in the way you have been manifested! Out of energy, put together from different parts of the universe, you are sum of all the most complex components, you can’t even fathom! So what you scared of? Go without? Or you finally get something, or have something that you been asking for so long but you can’t fully enjoyed, because now you are afraid of losing it? 

Where does fear como from? You weren’t born with it, so where does it come from? A construct added over time, layers upon layers of conditions, limitations and rules, barriers that have been building up as we grow. And now, now is the time to be aware of this fear, to see where it comes from, and to deconstruct the believes that if set it in motion! 

Fear is a product of ego, is it not? We identify so much with our body’s, our minds, our looks, our image to the world, that we get attached to things being a certain way, and we afraid if we change things, we will not be accepted, we will be lonely, or get punished, or just suffer! 

But aren’t your limitations already a way of suffering? Isn’t more constructive then suffering the consequences of being truly you? If you finally yourself, outspoken, and living your truth, even when others disagree and go away from you, and might be hard at first, but do you really need them? What you miss isn’t them, is their approval you miss, is being included, is being part of something, but if that something isn’t truly you, why pretending, why try to fit in? 

When you feel you need to be part of something, you need approval, you need something outside yourself – you have been disconnected to the being you truly are!

Because once you are connect whit the Who you truly are, you will not need approval, or to fit in. You have all you need yourself! And once you have yourself, and be proud of who and where you are, that beautiful energy of joy, happiness, love for yourself, will be felt all around you, it will attract the right people to you. Like attracts like!

Once you smile and enjoy your stride, enjoy your path, you will see people smiling at you, people approaching you, new experiences, new adventures, that are matching your frequency at this moment! 

And then it happens, when your life as suddenly improved, and you seeing so much abundance surrounding you, but really coming from within you, not that anything outside as changed, but you have! The way you see things, your perspective in life, you are more positive, more coincidente, happy, optimistic, just taking everything with open arms! Still after so many years of conditioning, parts of you, really rutted can’t believe such happiness, contentment, joy. Part of you doubts and its afraid of it – “can’t be true, this is to good”! Is it? 

Why is it too good, why do you feel something bad has to happen? Why do you feel you might lose it? Aren’t you worth it? All of it? All of this for you? Take it with open heart and don’t be afraid, take it all, its all for you. 

And if something does happen? Then take it also with open heart, trust yourself to deal with it no matter what, believe you not alone, you have unconditional love and support! We all here for you!!!! No matter what! Just enjoy all this gifts, all this experiences! Enjoy being you – Fully! Go witching and feel how precious you are, your being, how rich you are, how beautiful and full of light, life you are! 

Be bright smile, be unique, express yourself! Be creative, be free!!!! 

You were intended to be in this hearth to experiment, to live, to feel, to take it with a smile, and love in your heart! 

Do me a favour, love yourself unconditionally, love your self with passion, be proud of yourself, honour yourself, by doing that you also honour all of what is, the Dao, as you are made with all components if it! No one if us are separate, once we realise this we understand by being yourself, and honour who you are really honouring your being, your creation, and as such all that it is! 

But do it with unconditional love, don’t confuse it with actions from Ego, if it doesn’t feel 100% right, then isn’t you, isn’t your spirit guiding you, is your Ego. 

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Less is more

Less is more, think less, do less, and trust that will be done either way, just give it to the universe to deliver its bit, trust that its here to support you, ask it for guidance, to help you

When you feel you have so much to do, so much thinking, so much… just delegate, see what you can do now, and the rest leave it to the universe! Don’t feel like you have to do everything, don’t get overwhelmed, don’t try to control everything, the outcomes, the results, just trust that whatever comes its the best outcome you could have, the one that you need! Sometimes isn’t exactly what we want, but definitely what we need. Just trust is for your best, its always working in your favour! Less resistance will allow for the results to come in quicker, and in very unexpected ways! 

Is when you let go, when you just surrender, that you see miracles happening! 

It’s when I finally surrender that things start to work in a much easier flow, we are so rushed into doing, we just get so involved in what we doing and how things owe to be, that we forget to just enjoy the process, and trust, whatever the outcome, it will be just right. Letting go of the outcome, letting go of the ideia, letting go of the goal. Of course plan, but then let it go, how you will get there it will show up to you at the right time, let go, smile and just trust your inner voice! 

Sometimes we work with difficult people, it is hard to let go, we resist, we get annoyed, frustrated, we just want to avoid that person, or just turn away from them, but that will not achieve anything. That person is in your path for a reason, aren’t you curious? Smile, don’t analise it, just smile. Don’t see anything as right or wrong, just see it for what it is, can you? Can you make peace with what it is, how it is? Can you let go of the need to change it, change someone? And then perhaps change how you see them, not for them, but for you! Because you need that peace! What about realising you are not separate from them, and even if its hard to believe at first, you are not you, without them, and vice-versa, as we are no one without others! Is through others that we find ourselves! Isn’t that magical? Finding all the feelings you experience with each and every encounter? And realising you are the master of your own emotions and thoughts, and you can easily change how you feel and think, once you surrender! Let go of individual you think you are, let go of identifying yourself, limiting yourself. You are not this personality that you have constructed for yourself! You are so much more! Limitless, boundless, connected to all, part of all, not separated but unified with all! Believing you are separate it will only bring you suffering! We are not separate, someone isn’t more or less then you, someone isn’t being bad to you, you might perceive it that way, and I know in same cases this is hard to even conceive by the human mind, but really all what happens to us has been chosen by us, and for us, so we could learn, grow! Not us as this Ego we identify from, but Us this unlimited being/soul/presence we are!  

Ego is so tricky, so persuasive, we think we are this and that, we defend our position, we limit ourselves by what we can and can’t do,  but in relation… we can be and do anything and everything! But i find myself just being the happiest when I simply Am, just here, smiling and enjoying the moment as it is! And its beautiful to have surprises everyday! Because again I have no expectations! Everything is like new, every moment is new, so you always living not knowing what’s coming, but enjoying every moment with a inner smile, with gratitude! Every moment should be taken like a gift! Just to be able to be outsider and look around, all the colours, the beautiful sky, the nature, even when it seems dark, rainy, cold, everything has its beauty, and everything should be taken with a glad heart! Live simply! 

If something isn’t right, doesn’t feel right, go within, into stillness, beyond thought and see what happens!? You will find some kind of peace, peace with what it is, and if not, wonder what brought you to feel this way. More times than not is the Ego talking, being indignant, frustrated, wanting things to be different, not accepting things how they are, questioning, or justifying, or defending, being a victim… whatever it is, if it doesn’t feel right is because isn’t in alignment with the true YOU. Your inner self, your inner guidance, your higher self! Because your higher self knows your worth, knows what’s there for you, maybe you just don’t have the clarity to see it, or you living in fear, but it is there, once you allow it, let go, trust, surrender, you might able to see it coming, you might able to see the light beyond the dark, you might able to smile and just relax, smile and finally be at peace. Peace with who you are and what you are. Be at peace with whatever is outside, because is just a reflection of what’s within you. And every little componente is super important for your growth, so welcome it with open arms! Be joyful, like a child, be ready for the adventure, be excited, you don’t know what’s coming, and you don’t need to know! That’s the magic! You just follow the path smiling, eager with what you will be learning at every step! 

And of course you will be experiencing sadness, stress, frustration, the secret? Be the observer of that, smile, don’t take yourself to seriously, just enjoy the ride! Why be so consumed about an emotion, if doesn’t bring you pleasure? Understand it, let it come and let it go, whenever its ready, make peace with it, its part of your path, so accept it as such! Don’t fight or resist, welcome it, see what you can learn with the most difficult emotions. Be happy to learn! Be like a blank canvas! 

Isn’t it funny that we grow up learning all about the world we live in, how everything is suppose to work, and then the secret to happiness is lo unlearn it? To start a new? Question everything and finding your real YOU? Isn’t this wonderful? 

Of course it isn’t for most, because you simply get fed up with this, and you just feel like is a big joke on you, you tired of this game! You don’t see the point of it all! I know, I’ve been there! Gets frustrating, tiresome, you just want to give up! You can’t make sense of anything! But its when you ‘give up’ that something happens, is when you surrender that the magic happens, when you trust that something bigger is here for you! And you let go of all that weight on you, all that responsibility you put in yourself, all that need for control, for having things a certain way…  

Trust me it gets easier if you Let Go! Trust and Believe in the Universe! Surrender! Let go of the person you think you are, and just be open to what it shows you! 

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Moved by Spirit

Sometimes we do things we don’t even realise where they coming from. Its egoless, its stronger than anything, you just know you have to do it, you can’t think of the implications you can’t see what’s coming next, you just have this force propelling you forward that you can’t ignore it. I call it spirit calling, I call it guidance, inner guidance, higher self, or spirit guides, or simply your soul and heart. This inner calling comes out of no where, I can’t even question it, deny it. Later I find myself ‘suffering’ the consequences of my actions, but isn’t bad or good, is a learning process, I understand why the reason behind it, but it does bring a lot of pain, but also a lot of learning, a lot of awareness, an ego death. We realise how many limitations we have put into ourselves, how many expectations, illusions we had, we realise how many boundaries, barriers, we have put up. And if we have the courage, and now faced with ourselves, this barrier, limitations, will have to come crumbling down. It’s a difficult, painful process, but so needed. Waking up isn’t an easy process. Realising the fabric of life. It’s enlightening. 

But isn’t just about you, is about others… you realise the impact you made on others, the ‘suffering’ you are causing them, you can deal with your own, perhaps, but how are they dealing with it, you can only hope, have faith, that they reach the same platform as you, of understanding better about themselves and life around them. To understand the fabric of life. You hope with your heart tight, because you still care, you still love, but we have to allow for this things to happen. You have to have faith in them, that they can go through it. And see the light within them. You hope to see them free, because they been untangled for so long, in this illusion… you love them unconditionally, no matter what you trust the process, you allow them to be, is so much you can do, you cause the havoc, now be witness of its destruction. Being a witness isn’t easy either, and that why is for the both of us, one action, two parts. Doesn’t matter who started it. The ego will say:’who are you, to think you are the one to do it?” The ego will push you in every direction, trying to pull you apart. Saying you are reckless, you are destructive, you have done it again, you have caused ‘suffering’ to another being. Guilt will play with you if you let it, fear, pain, until you realise ‘who’ you are, and what you made of. 

You then witness the destruction of self, hold habits, hold patterns. Things hang in the balance, you don’t know how it will turn up, but you have faith, you don’t know how the other is dealing with it and if it doesn’t turn out the best way… well thats their path too, soon or later they will get there, they have many incarnations to go through to realise their potential. You were just a fraction, a little piece in this immense puzzle, a little ripple, you done your part, now it’s time to trust the process… you don’t need to understand it all, you simply need to trust. 

The ego likes to create illusions, the ego likes to point fingers, likes to question, the ego is there to protect you in a way, but you need to be careful to not let it go to far… without it you can’t reach another ‘level’ but if you get stuck in its claws, then you definitely loose ‘yourself’. You become a creature of habit, a creature that plays safe, you let fear come in, doubt, you let judgmental, criticism, and all that its low energy come in to your frequency. Be careful, because it’s ever so cunning, alluring. Be very aware out it makes you feel. You are here to love, to feel love, to be love, to share and transmite love. You are here to unite, to be part of the whole, to become whole, to allow, to accept, to transmute. If whatever comes isn’t in that frequency, then you must change it, you must dig deep in your heart and soul, to find a better way. Separation is the way of the ego, union is the way of love. Be aware of it although, do not repress it, do not resist it, allow it to be so you can better understand it, but do not feed more negative energy into it, just allow it, and try and bring love into it. Open yourself to possibility, to freedom of spirit. Open yourself to a more fearless and powerful being. 

You are so powerful, your thoughts, your energy, it’s so important to the whole, together we can build so many beautiful things, together we can do anything. 

Might your actions always spring from love, unconditional love. Might you have the wisdom/ awareness to ‘understand’, ’see’ a bigger picture. To have a better perspective in life. Might you be able to change the chemistry of your cells to be more receptive, allowing, loving, caring, no matter what happens to you, always have faith, and always act in service of love, with love intention. Don’t let ego bring bitterness into your heart, separation, judgment. Might you be always able to see yourself in another. And understand them just like you do yourself. They are mirrors of you, be open to learning, to understanding, to compassion, to listening, be open. 

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So much pain

So much pain, it’s unbelievable, the things we go through, the thoughts we have, the feelings, emotions, a collection of events from the past, all gathered together in this ball, in my heart, so much pain, and like a fire burns all the way up to my throat. It’s pain and fear, sensitivity, I’m at the point of breaking down, but not in the way you might know it, not braking down, fall into tears, no… I can feel it’s rupturing my chest, I can feel it splitting… because I’m allowing it to be, I’ve understood why it’s here, it has its right to be here, it’s only natural after so much I’ve been through, and never allowing it to be or just sit with it. It’s painful, but it has its beauty, and the fear is so big I can feel myself freezing, being numb, unable to move, and at the same time, again, just like the pain, it has to reach a point that is so great, that it brakes! Like a overfilled glass! And then is a release, your all body been holding on to it for so long, you have put yourself through so much pain, and finally gives up, no longer as the strength to hold on, it releases its grasp, it let’s go… you finally release control and realise is nothing to control, and is no need to control anything, that is nothing you can hold on to, because nothing is yours. You belong to nothing and nothing belongs to you. But you have the power to create, and create you will do, in response to your survival of this so tumultuous times. And you hope to the skies that better days will come, and the light at the end of the tunnel, will come soon… you hope and believe in yourself, that you are a survivor, and because you love yourself, you have the courage to keep going forward, to conquer that fear, and survive that pain. And the pain might still be there, but you embrace it with a smile, because you proud of yourself to be able to have it, survive it, to conquer it, and to welcome it, because is part of you, because is there to remind you of who you are when you most need! Is all an act of love. See it, live it, feel it fully, rejoice in it! The light is there – Love

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Prisoner of her own head


Thoughts and more thoughts, twirling around like mad, chaotic tornado, pictures of the past, conversations, events, confrontations, words that hurt, thoughts that judge all of her decisions, self doubt, lack of self worth, self sabotage, constantly, not feeling that she was worth of anything, of happiness, or even life. What life had to give her, she was only here to work, work for others, try her best to make others happy, and even at that she failed, she failed to be a good mother, a good wife, she failed to make her parents proud, she made her Mather go in to depression, and has broken her mothers heart with the shocking revelation of her coming out as gay… now what was left were her mother’s words “you will never be happy”, “that’s not life”, “you should be alone”, all she could see were her mothers tears, the disappointment… and all she could feel was anger, of being misunderstood, of not being listened, of having to always follow what others think it’s best, and no one has ever thought of her… not even herself, that anger was hers! Why couldn’t others be happy for her, that she just made a decision because she had a hint of self respect and love, that would still fight for her so deserving happiness! She still believed she was worth it, at same level, of happiness!
All she could feel were her ex husband’s anger, remorse, his hurt, she could feel it all, she could feel the guilt of it all. She has basically destroyed a family, and torn others, others dreams and expectations for “us”. The hurt they felt for her daughter, how she would grow up, with separate parents… she was feeling their hurt, as much she was feeling her own hurt… her hurt was so painful, she been carrying this pain forever, was so big would reach her throat, anxiety, she didn’t know what to do anymore… she would doubt everything. She was now afraid of any decision she would have to make… afraid of making a mistake, hurting more people, losing more people. She already lost all the ones she loved, all the ones she consider family, she felt she lost them all, because she was no longer the person they knew. She could feel their pain, as they also lost someone… not because she wanted, but things were never the same, to much hurt to keep it together… perhaps… and not everyone has the heart to understand and forgive, and she understood that, still the hurt was there.

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My inner child…


Here comes again, this dark shadow punching my stomach, I gasp in shock, what it is it? Why you punching me, why are you hurting me, what do you want from me, what I’ve done to you?

As I look confused, I try to understand what’s going on, what’s this, I observe, I look closer, I speak softly and carefully “what are you?” This shadow is angry at me, doesn’t want to speak, it’ s crying, I soften my face, and open my arms “come here my child, what is bothering you?” You came closer, still mad at me, “you been ignoring me, you don’t listen, you forgotten me!”

“I’m sorry, I did not forget you, just been busy, maybe a bit too much. I’m sorry. “Come and rest in my arms, talk to me”. Finally you reach out to me, you accept my embrace, crying softly now, I see your eyes, you were missing me… but I never left sweetheart.

I embrace you tightly, the shadow becomes lighter, I can see your face more clear, your little body curled up in mine.

You are me, and I’m you, I say softly “you always safe in my arms, I will always be here for you, I have so much love for you my child, you are so beautiful, I love your smile, your laughter, your care free attitude, your joy and your heart! You are safe with me, I’ll never leave you, I promise”.

You gaze at me with those beautiful bright eyes, so full of love, and you give me a glimpse of a smile. “Do you know how much I love you? So much! You will never ever be alone, never! Trust me my sweet you are the most precious thing I have” You hug me so tight. “Relax my child, you always Home with me”

You smile brightly, you kiss me in the cheek and off you went running out to play, life is nothing more then a play, so don’t forget to play. Be joyful, bee free, bee you always!

Don’t forget to love your inner child ❤️

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Letter to myself

Hi my sweet friend, how you doing now days?


I see you struggling, always with your heart in your hands, scared, always carrying that pain… you feel like you done so many mistakes, but all you done until now was stick for yourself, when worst came to worst and you felt you needed to escape from the old routine, from the monotony of your life, from what seemed safe and secure but wasn’t you, neither was serving you… you had so much courage, and now you scared of everything, scared of what others say, others think, what others might do to you. You afraid they might judge you, be against you, not understand you, not approve of you, you are so scared simply that no one will like you, and they will see you as a bad person. But why or why you care so much my dear? Who is living your life? You or them?
Why do you care so much, why do you put so much thought on how they feel, and put that weight on you, so much weight, don’t you have enough? Why would you cary so much guilt? Feeling for others and caring that pain, that heaviness, that isn’t even yours to cary. Please let go my dear, you don’t deserve so much punishment.


If you follow your truth, stand for yourself, and set your own boundaries, you just protecting the most important person there is, yourself! Do you even think people give a second thought about how you feel, much of the time? And even so, is their lesson to learn, not yours, every one has their own path, you not responsible for their reactions, and for the way they think or behave, you not responsible for the way they feel. But you are responsible for the way you feel.


So why you feel so guilty? Why you feel so scared, why so much fear my dear? What they can do to you that you haven’t done already done to yourself?


Do you realise how much you have been punishing yourself, for so long, my dear?


Such a sweet heart, so pure, why suffer for others, adding to your so deep suffering, my dear friend let it go, I love you so much, you are the most beautiful person I know, so pure hearted, so caring, you know how rare this is my sweet?

You so bright, your light is so big, please do not deem it for no one! Shine bright my dear, you have so much love within you, every cell of your body screams love! You love every being, every bit of this earth… you are such a big soul my dear… its ok to feel pain, its ok to feel for others but, don’t let yourself go with it, my dear, raise above, let that light shine bright, let go of what’s isn’t yours, learn and grow with what is, my dear.


Grow your love, compassion and kindness towards others, and yourself, with those lessons.


You have so much within you, shine to the world my dear, the world needs people like you to shine, the right people will come to you my sweet, just believe, trust, and be at peace with what is, I love you dearly, and hope you can be at peace with yourself, and love yourself deeply, every little bit of you is precious!

You never alone, ever! I’m here, always!

You are safe, my dear, sweet soul of mine… rest in my arms, let yourself go sweetheart… trust me!

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I died with you…

I look at you, our friendship started as our relationship ended… it’s hard being your friend, too many wounds, to no fault of your own, I know, you also have your wounds, deep, they run so deep, both of us with our wounds, craving closeness, craving commitment that would give us security, craving that special connection, and we had it, but we kept bringing out deepest wounds from the past into or present, ruining what could be amazing… I love you so much is crazy, it drives me mad, the feeling I have with you is insane, out of this world, its so crazy that I’m even scared of it, its like an addiction, its way to crazy. Who I am ceases to exist, instead I turn myself into something else, beyond this world, all it is, is feeling, I have no thoughts or anything, just deep feelings… but you bring the darkest, and the lightest of feelings. The way you are, manipulates me, the sweetest part of you… I crave I consume you, you are like a drug, that I seek more and more, I want to drink you all… I’m obsessed, and this obsession drives me insane!

Every time I look back, I can’t recognise myself, who the fuck was that? I don’t think I was ever me with you, I have no idea who was that?

I craved your deep love for me, I craved something you offered, only sometimes… I got attached to your care, your affection… only to be thrown up like an used cloth into the floor, moodiness, childish behaviour, anger… whatever it was, you put a wall between you and me… I patiently waited for better times…when would I have you nice and sweet again?

Waiting in despair, to be loved again, like I knew I deserved… you loved me like no one, and then you would take it all away… your rude words, your harshness, even if unintentional cut me like a thousand knifes, and yes I could be very sensitive, but that’s because, I couldn’t believe how such sweet being could have such behaviour, you were extreme, from side to side, only occasional balanced, calm… you drove me to insanity…

I’ve forgotten myself, I was only a shadow of myself… you made me feel worthless, lonely, you made me feel like I was absolutely nothing… didn’t matter how sweet, kind, patient and understanding I was… you just decided to close yourself into your shell… you were so cruel, but I knew was nothing to do with me but yourself, I kew you had your own demons to fight, we could of fight them together, if you weren’t so stubborn, and made me feel I was so little. Whatever I would say was never good enough for you… you made me feel like I was 5 years old and you were my elder, so I should only respect you and listen to you, take your shit, but never had a word to say that would be wise enough for you to take… I could see all that and respect it, because in the end no matter what I would say, you have your own path to take, your own thoughts and feelings, that only only better then anyone will understand.

But you were hurting me in the process, and I did know if I could handle waiting… at the same time enabling you to be this way with me, wasn’t just hurtful, I wasn’t allowing you to grow, so this was best for you and for me… you need to go within and heal your own wounds… without hurting no one in the process.  

I’ve been married for 10 years, I’ve been left, but no one had the power over me like you did… I felt absolutely powerless, a slave to you… I felt like I was at your mercy… never felt like this… so not like me… and every time  I would try and stand, you would cut my legs… you would call me selfish… but all you saw was yourself… never me. Only when I step away… why??? Do you know how you make me feel? Never ever in my life I was made feel this way… I know I have my own issues with my mum, our relationship brings things, and you bring that in me… but you? You made it 10x times worse… I’m sorry but it’s true, and you know why? Because I know how beautiful heart you have, and then all I have is the opposite, and it baffles me… am I not worth it? Why can I access it? Why something so precious as your love is so unreachable? 

I have to admit defeat… I’m a scorpio, rarely lets go of a goal, I’ve seen something in you and went for it, with all my will, I was stubborn, convinced that I would get it, and in some extent I did… but your ego is too big… and its always in the way… blinding you, you forget to make an effort and you take me for granted… you stop seeing life for what it is… and you drag me with it.

I’m not part of that world. I believe in beauty, in love, I believe in miracles, and my heart is open to everything, even to suffer this much, until enough is enough, but I will always be open to get hurt, because if I’m not open for it, I can’t experience joy, happiness, pure love, either… I have to put myself at risk, risk it all, to experience it all… because that’s what life is about, and I will always be like a child, pure hearted, seeking for pure love, beauty, joy… always trusting the universe to give me what I need, always believing in the best of me and others, always believing in being positive and being the best part of everything. Its a reason for everything, I might suffer immensely, but I also love beyond measure because of it! And I might cry desperately, because I know how much I’m worth, and I feel victim of an injustice, but that’s my ego, feeling sorry for itself, and not being able to see the bigger picture. The truth is that this pain made me love myself more, enjoy this life more, to realise why I’m here, to be grateful for the little things, to appreciate the little moments, to stop worrying about things that don’t matter, and start living life fully! Learn how to let go, to let myself feel ripped apart into tiny pieces, let myself feel vulnerable, absolutely open to everything, and feel how much sensitive I am to this world, and how much I get from the experience of it. 

Now I have a deeper respect for myself, I deeper love towards myself, a true appreciation for who I am, how much I’m worth. And how precious my being is… the huge amount of love I have within me… and how much love I’m receiving from the universe, that is awakening me to a bigger experience to this life. How blessed I am… 

So thank you for destroying me, it wasn’t your work, was mine! I’ve done that to myself… you were just a vehicle, a tool, and I will not judge, blame you, because just like myself, the mistakes we make with others, the hurt we cause to others isn’t most of the times intencional, it comes out of old wounds, it comes from not understanding ourselves better… it comes from insecurity about ourselves, it comes from self doubt, lack of self esteem, self love… is never about the other, but always about ourselves. 

So despite what anyone does to me, I will always love them, because they are vehicles to my own truth. 

Death is only the beginning … 

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Be Nothing

I like to be “nothing”, is just “nothing” doesn’t really fit in this world… and I don’t know how to behave in this world, being “nothing”, so I have to become more “like them”, and then I overwhelm myself. Too much thought, to much action… who am I kidding?

Go with the flow, do what needs to be done, don’t think much, just go with it, no opinion, no judgment… part of me says that the way to freedom, to peace, other part of me says that’s just avoidance, withdrawal, is it?

is it bad to not have aspirations?

is it bad to not think much of anything?

is it bad to just go through life, living it, simply…

is it bad to not feel much at all?

and then feel lots?

how do we go through life without being sucked into the drama? without getting overwhelmed with responsibilities?

how to get out of this spiderweb?

don’t I have aspirations, dreams?

yes I do

do I act much upon them

not much, should I?

Am I afraid?

sometimes I am

I’m scared of the responsability

of failing, of being inadequate, not good enough, making mistakes

but this things do have a place in your life, and you should accept them and learn from it, so what there to be afraid of?

you have a partner in your life, why don’t you give yourself more to that person, why can’t you rely more on them, and let them help you? do u think that will show them you are incapable? if they like you, and they like to help you, why not trust them? do you think they can’t be who you want them to be? or just because they have different views? do you realise you can actually take that, and be grateful, because you learning something, not just about them but about yourself. they are here for you! don’t be so stubborn to accept others. don’t close yourself to others. specially to your partner. they have a saying in your life, they are you, they are an extension of yourself, do you realise that? don’t be so blind to accept others views, open yourself.

Ego of mine, don’t be so rush into decisions, don’t be so rush in making judgment, you are nothing, but a product of my own. mind, you have no place here. you make me miserable, I know you want the best of me, my survival, but all you doing is destroy me, and I want you out, but I can have you out either, because I need you, is with you that I learn to do the opposite, and become freer, if I didn’t have you, I didn’t know what freedom actually feels like. you need to exist so I experience the other side of me. my higher self. I have to have your self righteous self in me, so I can learn humility, compassion, kindness, not just towards myself but others. can I be mediocre? can I accept being mediocre? is it so bad to be one? be a nothing? is when you are nothing, that you realise you are everything, absolute complete, with no need of self. you have the all universe in you, you magnificent, in the mist of your immense mediocrity.

Posted on by moniquesdharma 0